Survivor’s Guilt: Making It Past the Second Round of Staff Cuts
Today should be a cause for celebration as it marks my 8 year anniversary working at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts. There are so many unspeakable, priceless, life changing lessons and experiences that have occurred throughout the years while employed here. It is the longest job I have ever held. I remember when taking this job, I thought to myself, “I just want to be somewhere where I can stay for a long time.” This job satisfied that. This job led me to my career as a Manager of Volunteers; a career that I didn’t even know existed and a role that I now realize I was born to fulfill and didn’t even know it.
This job has been instrumental in curating a career that has shaped me as a person, has challenged me to grow as a better employee, and has allowed me to become a leader that I had no idea existed within me. It has provided me with opportunities of a lifetime such as sharing the wonderful world of volunteering as a speaker at TLCC2019, becoming a first-time ever in life Board Member of the Arts and Business Council of Miami and connecting me with life long friends…no family. FAMILY. That is the reason I cannot fully revel in reaching this milestone.
The current state of the world has led to recent layoffs, furloughs and pay cuts at the Arsht Center. Although my position was spared this round, how do I celebrate when my family is hurting? How do I celebrate knowing, that it could have easily been me? I equate it to losing a loved one unexpectedly. One day they are here and the next they are gone. I have survivor’s guilt, accompanied by an intense urge to start developing a back-up plan because who knows what the future will hold. The only thing that I can take comfort in is knowing everything happens for a reason. On this journey called life, doors open and close all the time. Our recent book club read was “Who Moved My Cheese” (a short read with large print and pictures, but full of powerful lessons) and I am taking my cue from Sniff; sniffing out possible change early and making adjustments now.
Waiting to hear my fate were the longest moments of my life. As a single mom, I was struck with instant fear of “what am I going to do????” It was equally an instant wake up call that I have become too comfortable. What I do know is I never want to feel like that ever again. It led me to start constructing a back-up plan so no matter what the future may hold, if God forbid, I do get that dreaded phone call, losing my job will be more of an inconvenience rather than a devastation sending me into a whirlwind of panic.
This week’s events have reinforced the fact that the only thing constant in life is change, and it is how we respond to change that will keep us resilient. For the last month I have been working on publishing inspirational note-taking journals as a way to encourage people during these unprecedented times as well as supplement my income. Little did I know that these journals may be just the thing that fills the gap in my future checks. It has simultaneously and instantaneously become the first piece of arsenal in my new back-up plan.
If you know of a volunteer, leader of volunteers, single mom, ministry leader, young professional, recent college graduate, professional woman, non-profit professional, dream chaser, or entrepreneur who may need a little encouragement these days, please pass the word. They are only $8.99 on Amazon and 10% of all sales will go to different charitable organizations, including the Arsht Center. Although the cost is small, the encouragement that they provide right now is priceless. I know because I have been using mine to encourage myself and taking my own advice during this truly curious time.
So today, I will celebrate, even though it is with a heavy heart. I will reflect on my past 8 years and be grateful for my blessings including how I am a better person because of my Arsht family; UBUNTU (I am because we are).
I vow to do my best to be there for my family whose fate was not the same as my own, especially because none of us knows what the future may hold, especially for the arts. We need to be here for each other more than ever before; UBUNTU (I am because we are). I am confident we will eventually come back strong. In the meantime, to honor my Arsht family, I vow to make sure that I continue to give 110%. I will continue to do my part to help keep the Arsht above water in hopes that my contribution somehow, in it’s own unique way, will help position the Center to reopen sooner rather than later and welcome our family back home.
Challenge accepted life.
Game. On.
Nicole is a Panamanian-American, single mother, workforce development specialist, dancer, motivational speaker and published author. She attended Oral Roberts University on a Division I full-ride track scholarship. After graduating, she founded Step It Up! Inc., a non-profit dance organization. Her experience in sports and entertainment, radio, TV and the performing arts has spanned nearly 20 years covering the Chicago, Houston and Miami markets. She has danced and cheered for four Professional and Semi-Professional sports teams, has prepared more than 500 interns to enter the workforce and has inspired crowds upwards of 2000. In 2019, She joined the Board of the Arts and Business Council of Miami was listed as one of WLRN’s “Local Women Who Inspire You” , was selected as one of Legacy Miami’s MOST PROMINENT AND INFLUENTIAL BLACK WOMEN IN BUSINESS AND INDUSTRY OF 2019 and becamea contributing writer for The Life of a Single Mom.
